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My Husband and I were expecting our first child and it was a wonderful and happy 9 months journey. We were quite excited about parenthood and every moment of it made us jump with joy.

Every milestone of our baby made us proud and I was really happy that it was happening withing me. The time he moved first time, first kick, first hiccup, first ultrasound, first heartbeat and everything about my baby brought so much of happiness. I was really excited for his arrival and had so many plans.

Excitement, Fear, happiness, crying all these emotions used to come at the same time to me. I was accepting the fact that we were soon going to step into the parenthood phase and accept all the responsibilities that it brings along. It was enjoyable, at the same time fear looming around somewhere and a question whether I will be a good mother and do all those for my little demanding baby that my mom did for me.

But keeping all those behind I was really excited for his arrival. I was ready for a scheduled C-section. The day arrived when we both would finally see our baby. My husband was there with me in the delivery room holding my hand tightly for the pain was unexplainable. I did not even think why that surgery was happening all I knew was pain. But amidst all these there came a cry that made all the pain to stop and the moment they showed my baby to me it was not about pain but it was one of the greatest moments in my life. It knew no bounds.

That was the only time I saw my baby’s face. I did not know that time I would have to wait a month to see him again.

Few minutes after his birth he started having breathing problems and was taken to the ICU to a different children’s specialty hospital. When I was in the recovery room all that was going in my mind was how am I going to greet my sweet little baby, how am I going to feed him, will he take it, I wanted to shower all the love I have been gathering for him for those 10 months.

But when I came back all I had was the news that he had been taken to the ICU. All our hopes were crushed in that one second. The mother in me was deeply hurt and was in agony. I saw my sons face three days after he was born that too tubes going everywhere on his little body.

When we started to hospital we thought we will come back with our bundle of joy but we came back alone. The cute dress we bought for him, the crib, swing, every little thing just reminded me of him more and made me feel helpless, crying angry that my baby was left alone somewhere and did not get the warmth of his mother nor first touch, hug and kiss.

Those one month was a great struggle to both us. Even though my husband was in no less pain than me he became the rock solid support to me and was positive to get our son back. I had to pump breast milk so that my son did not get deprived of that goodness just because he was not with me. When I used to pump the milk all I got was tears but it was not helping for the milk supply so I had to gather all the strength and be happy for the baby who was in need of his mothers milk. Three to four times in a day my husband used to take the milk to the hospital for him.

He was diagnosed of multiple breathing problems and the doctors had to try lot of different methods based on trial & error. Since mine was C-section I was not able to stay with my son and used to be with him only 6 hours a day. It was painful to watch the breathing monitor go up and down and showing no sign of normalcy, he was in a oxygen and doctors even said that if nothing works out they had to send him to home with oxygen and then see what can be done. Day and night we used to pray god to get him back to us. Not just us, my parents his parents relatives friends all of us we knew prayed for my son and it was answered and finally a month later we got our son back safe and sound.

I wanted to share this story to give hope to all those mothers and parents who may be going through this phase or in hopes for some positivity. Times may be tough, challenging, painful but do not lose hope. Smile and be happy for the sake of your baby. Love care and prayers do wonders and can make anything possible.

Now my son is one year old and he has been a healthy and active baby. Everyday we thank god for sending him as a special gift to us. Be strong and fight against any challenge that comes along the way for the motherhood is a special gift that is worth fighting for.

Submitted By – Divya Ravishankar

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