I was born into a Tamil-speaking family based in Pondicherry. My skin was of a darker shade. In my school days, I did not pay heed to this because I was not discriminated against.
However, the trouble started in college when the boys started ridiculing me with songs targeting my skin colour. This hit me hard. I told my family that I wanted to come back but instead, they asked me to stay and cope with the difficulties on my own. I started to use skin brightening home remedies and skin whitening creams to make myself look better. As expected, these did not work. On top of that, the acne on my skin added to my woes.
All of this had an adverse impact on my self-esteem. I always compared myself to the ‘fairer’ members of my family, who fit the Eurocentric standards of beauty and were accepted by everyone. My loved ones did not refrain from pitting me against them in every situation. My friends used derogatory colloquial terms that meant ‘blackie’ in jest. They did not realise how hurtful their words were.
The Pressure Of Choosing A ‘Suitable’ Career
My troubles did not stop here. Everybody in my family was either a doctor or an engineer. I found myself not fitting in as I did not want to go down the conventional route. I wanted to become a fashion blogger because many people used to compliment me for my dressing sense. However, when I approached my parents, they vehemently refused, saying that this was not a viable career option. Be it my choices or appearance, I was never accepted and felt alone.
In 2017, I started a page on my social media account that documented my fashion journey but I had to deactivate my account as my family got to know about it. They were not happy with me ‘modelling’ on the internet as they felt that I could become an easy target of some criminal practices online.
Despite all these hurdles, I did not give up. I resumed my posts on social media two years later in 2019. My page on Instagram is called ‘Proud Brown Girl’. This made me all the more passionate about pursuing a career in fashion and, eventually, having enough money to start a clothing line with. Along with documenting my fashion journey, I shared my story of struggle with my skin colour. It struck a chord with my audience as many of them came from toxic environments where gaining acceptance was extremely tough.
I used my platform to invite women from different walks of life to share their stories. This increased my reach on the internet as several users resonated with the problems they faced.
‘Accept Me For Who I Am’
Like every other Indian household, my family worried constantly about my marriage as I reached the age of 28. Several families used to come my house to ‘see’ me and unconsciously judge me. Some even had qualms about my desire to work after marriage. At that point, my family took my side and rejected these proposals and that surprised me immensely.
This joy was short-lived. I started talking to a prospective groom, who asked me about my passion. When I mentioned about my fashion blog online, he agreed with me and talked about his own travel blog and his adventures. However, he went on to tell his mother about my endeavours who, in turn, told my family who were oblivious about this. They were extremely shocked. They did not understand the difference between blogging and ‘modelling’, despite me explaining it to them several times. I realised they were never supportive of my passions from the beginning itself.
For a while, I kept hearing taunts and insults. My own relatives told their children not to talk to me because I was a ‘rebel.’ It did hurt me but I stood my resolve. I will not change who I am and how I look. I want people to accept me for this. I am proud of myself and my achievements. I wish and hope that everyone could see this instead of stopping at how ‘dark’ I look.
If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at mystory@thelogicalindian.com
