MyStory: 'I Was So Embarrassed At That Point Of Time That I Just Closed My Eyes To Escape The Looks'

Rutuja Jayakar had acne scars since her school days. This topic has the conversation starter for her wherever she went- be it her college or office, As it affected her confidence levels, she decided that she would ignore whatever advice that she received from strangers. She finds ignorance to be the solution to the society's remarks about her face.

India   |   26 Sep 2020 10:18 AM GMT
Writer : Ankita Singh | Editor : Prateek Gautam | Creatives : Rajath Arkasali Arkasali
MyStory: I Was So Embarrassed At That Point Of Time That I Just Closed My Eyes To Escape The Looks

I've been dealing with severe acne since my schooling time. And believe me when I say this, it has not been an easy ride. From school to college years to work life, these acne have never left me.

I got my first acne when I was 11-12 years old. I have an elder sister and a twin sister so having a pimple was not that a big deal. My sister told me to let go off. But after a year, the situation worsen. My face started to fill up with acne. I remember there was a morning school prayer going on in our class and this teacher was present there as well. Suddenly, she looked towards me and pointed at my face as to why so many pimples.

Half of the class immediately turned towards me and started looking at me. I was so embarrassed at that point of time that I just closed my eyes to escape the looks. From that moment, I started taking my skin very seriously and every advice that came towards me, I would immediately go for it.

I love photography and I used to learn editing on a software. I learnt about this tool which would retouch a spot. I tried using it on my face and suddenly I had a clear face in front of me. So before uploading a photo on Facebook, I'd retouch it properly to make my face look 'nice'. Retouching just one photo would take up so much time that I started wishing for a retouching tool in real life. I would usually click candid photographs of people because I felt that a person's true emotions and their expressions were way more than just the skin and I felt like portraying that to others.

I use to usually get acne burst during summer and rainy seasons. And the transition gap between school and college made the severity of those acne even worse. Before college started, I started going to a dermatologist who suggested me to stop eating oily and non vegetarian food because according to him, the heat in them made me have acne. I wanted my skin to heal up so badly that I immediately stopped having non vegetarian food.

Even though my family nudged me to have a piece or two of meat, I never even once ate it because I wanted to be true with myself. With the doctor's medication and the no non-veg diet, my skin did clear up in year. By this time, I was already in college. So once the acne disappeared, I stopped the medication and started having my regular diet again. But to my surprise, it appeared again. I used to introduce my new pimples only to my family members and to lighten my mood, I'd crack jokes about them as well.

By the mid of my last year in college, the acne started appearing on my neck, the shoulders and back. I was so awkward that I had stopped wearing sleeveless tops. The acne used to be a conversation starter in college. The people I knew would come up to me and randomly ask "Why don't you do something about it? Do you have an allergy of something? ". And at that point I felt like I was more than just an acne-skinned girl. People shouldn't come up to me to only talk about my face.

I started focusing more on my projects, presentations and studies to make sure that people came to me to talk about random stuff or studies, and not acne. And slowly and steadily that did really happen. I was already a scholar since school times. But that scholar Rutuja somehow disappeared behind acne-skinned Rutuja. I started gaining confidence again and aced my last year.

I started to search for a new dermatologist again after my college years as I was simultaneously searching for a job and didn't want to interview one with a face like this. I came across this doctor who by the end of the session asked me what I was currently doing. I told him that I had just finished college and was looking for a job. He immediately said that no one would give me a job if I looked like that. I was so infuriated by that sentence that it just affected my confidence while interviewing.

I'd get many advices from strangers too. This one time, I was traveling to work via share cab. The driver didn't utter a word when the rest of the passengers were there. I was the last passenger to get off and as soon as the rest two passengers got off, the cab driver asked me if he could suggest me something. I was caught off guard and told him to go ahead.

That suggestion just pissed my mind. I told that driver to just drive the car and plugged in my earphones to avoid the situation. I felt humiliated. My confidence, my personality and my overall presence in a group started getting affected. I was always concerned about it and felt like some or the other person would definitely comment on my acne. I started losing hope and felt disgusted most of the time. I wanted to avoid going to work because I wanted to avoid those random advices and annoying questions.

Gradually, I was entrusted with more work responsibilities in the coming months and my focus shifted from acne to work. I started becoming more socially active. By this time, the acne stopped appearing and all that was left were the scars. I realised that because I was focusing so much on my acne, the acne were focusing on me too. Once I started avoiding them, they stopped appearing. I found my remedy here. And that was Ignorance.

I started ignoring the acne, the advices, the suggested medications, Everything. And I started to actually live life by being involved in other work. My parents would keep suggesting me occasionally to visit someone or gave tips to improve the skin, but I avoided them too. Soon, my face started to clear up. I ignored them so much that I never really realised when it all cleared up.

The last acne burst I had was 2 years back. And since then, my face has been on a clearance journey, one scar at a time. I still get occasional pimples, but they go in a few days. They don't last on my face much now that I've the magical remedy to it. Ignorance.

If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at

mystory@thelogicalindian.com

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Contributors

Ankita Singh

Ankita Singh

Trainee Digital Journalist

A literature lover who likes delving deeper into a wide range of societal issues and expresses her opinions about the same. Keeps looking for best-read recommendations while enjoying her coffee and tea.

Prateek Gautam

Prateek Gautam

Digital Editor

A free soul who believes that it is journalism apart from politics which should stand for the social cause and environment

Rajath Arkasali Arkasali

Rajath Arkasali Arkasali

contributor

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