My Story: 'It's Not Necessary To Be Part Of Herd, You Can Stand Out With Your Positive Mindset"

I was born with a cleft palate condition. A cleft palate is an opening or split in the roof of the mouth that occurs when the tissue doesn't fuse during development in the womb. We suspect it is the medication during my mom's pregnancy that caused cleft palate in me.

Like most cleft kids, underwent multiple surgeries and speech therapy sessions all through from the ages of zero to 28 years of age. Due to my cleft palate condition, my teeth, especially in my upper jaw, were either missing or seriously out of position. Besides, my upper jaw was underdeveloped when compared to my lower jaw. It was very evident when somebody saw me that I looked different when compared to other kids.

My first surgery was when I was born. This was to close the gap in the upper jaw. The second surgery was when I was seven-years-old to improve my speech. The third happened when I was 20-years-old, which was a major one. It involved breaking my lower jaw and pushing it back to align with my upper jaw to make me look like an average person. The last one was when I was 28-years-old to reduce the nasal air when I speak.

Fighting Psychological Trauma

Apart from the physical deformities, a cleft kid suffers more psychologically. I was constantly bullied and discriminated against all through the years in my school and other social circles.

All my classmates laughed at me when my teacher made me read a chapter. I had my schoolmates come from behind me to hold my face and make fun of how I looked. I had trouble going to a shop because I was afraid they would not understand what I wanted. This happens even today. I speak to a person once or twice and then he starts to understand my way of talking. I guess they get used to it or start to anticipate reasonably what I mean to say.

However, my parents and my close family members gave me a perfectly normal upbringing. I come from a middle-class family in Bangalore. I was lucky enough to go to some of the best schools in Bangalore and get some of the best education. I was treated normal and fairly at home and by close family members. My dad was strong-willed and I guess I have most of his traits. My mom gave me all the love in the world.

However deep inside, I suffered which I guess my parents failed to see. When I was five or six, I started to realise that something was seriously wrong with me through the eyes of people around me in school. At home things were normal but I was made to feel like an alien outside. It was hard for me to make friends and talk to new kids.

Now when I think back, we are all born with a killer instinct and so did I. There was a voice within me that made me fight and do things even if uncomfortable, like talking and making new friends or even making up a brave mind to go out on the road and face people.

Simple things that were regular routines of daily life to others were mountainous tasks to me. I felt ashamed to walk late into a classroom or walk and take a seat in a coffee bar. I felt like everybody looked at me and this made matters even worse. I never complained about this to anybody. I started feeling depressed, suffered anxiety and an inferiority complex. I prayed that my teachers wouldn't ask me a question in front of everybody or that I wouldn't be picked in a crowd. I spent all my childhood wearing braces that were dark yellow in colour and hence looked scary when I smiled. I avoided smiling or laughing in front of people.

I remember this one time, when I was supposed to explain my project to my lecturer in my college, but I could not utter a word. I was so nervous and lacked so much confidence that I ended up screwing up that whole presentation. My tongue wouldn't move.

Overcoming Challenges

When I was 20-years-old, I read this book called Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. This book really opened my life to a newer dimension. I started to feel the need for a vision and purpose in life. I did not want to feel ordinary anymore and wanted to stand out in the crowd. I started to focus more on self-development and confidence building. I started working out and reading self-development books. I made bold steps to go to new places and talk to new people. Although I did come a long way, I was not up to the real challenges. I still had a lot of barriers around me.

Life took a different turn as I entered the corporate world. I had to stand up for my life from now on. I got away with things all my life by standing behind someone and letting them do the talking. I lacked a lot of confidence at work. I did my work but needed somebody else to talk about it with our American counterparts during the calls. Although my leaders were good to me and I had a lot of support from my colleagues, I noticed that I was just that guy in the office corner. This reflected in my appraisals. I got average rating year after year. My colleagues who gave my updates on my behalf went up the ladder. This made me very depressed.

One day one of my appraisal meetings went horribly wrong. My manager told me that I was not meeting expectations. I was stunned but soon realised that It was all due to me. I was responsible for my situation. I left the office immediately and went home. For the next couple of days, I sat at home trying to introspect and understand how to make changes. I enrolled on self-development classes, Yoga and meditation, and sports. I decided to take up roles at the office that involved more talking and interaction (Business Analyst from being a Software developer). I decided to gather courage and talk for myself during the meeting calls with our counterparts in the US. I decided to talk during meetings at the office or make my point during lunch with my colleagues. I also made it a point to sit alone to eat or drink a coffee all by myself without feeling awkward about it.

Soon I realised that it was not necessary always to be part of the herd. It also helps to stand out if you have a mind of your own and sit alone. I learned that the problem was not so much with my physical appearance, but more to do with my mental make-up. When you feel positive in your mind, nothing can stop you from achieving anything. Soon enough, my rating at work improved and I was appreciated and recognised at work.

Public Speaking

Over the years, I learnt the art of public speaking and since then, I have been speaking on various platforms, especially with youths in colleges. I do talks with Rotary Bangalore and I'm currently working with them on various initiatives. This is coming a long way for a person who even lacked confidence talking to an individual next to him. My target is to talk on larger forums such as TEDx, which I am working on right now.

Now, every morning I wake up and look at my face in the mirror and tell myself that I'm the most charming and handsome human that God could ever make. This confidence soon snowballed into other areas of my life. This often happens when you work on yourself even in one aspect of your life and soon you will see things starting to take a positive turn in your finances, health and relationships. Today I'm an entrepreneur and I'm working on a lot of initiatives such as permaculture. Permaculture is a self-sustaining design science that involves designing and developing an ecosystem (land) in sync with nature. My team and I have converted acres of land around Bangalore into a lush green food forest by simply fixing the ecosystem. My permaculture journey is in itself another story.

I have read many books, taken a lot of self-development classes, working on my body - swimming, running, gyming, Yoga and meditation and hours of planning and failing. All this has made me a confident person who today knows I can achieve anything that I set my eyes on.

However, there are thousands of cleft kids and adults out there who are not as privileged as I am. Most people are from a rural background who are not fortunate enough to even know about the opportunities. Their own parents suppress most. They end up growing with absolutely no confidence. These people are denied jobs during interviews, a lot of them are left unmarried, and they lack the confidence to start their own business. Girls and women face the odds the most.

I'm determined to make an impact by offering lessons from my own journey. I have come up with a social enterprise idea through which I want to be able to change the lives of cleft people all around the world. I want to use this model to train parents, kids and adults to deal with all the challenges I went through and make them strong and confident. For those interested in starting their own business, we will train them with various skills and microfinance them. This will be the first one of its kind in the whole world.

I look forward to spending the rest of my life making this happen and, in the end, see a million people smile.

If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at mystory@thelogicalindian.com