My Story: I Sometimes Find Myself Trapped In An Insane Fear, The Fear Of Losing Her One Day

The Logical Indian

December 23rd, 2016 / 7:52 PM

My Story

“On a chilling December morning… I woke up with a warm shawl wrapped around me, it was her warmth, she had removed it from her shoulders and put it on mine. I have experienced same warmth on every winter morning of my childhood. When ill, I have always found her awake all night by my side. When irritated or angry, I have found her calm and composed, no matter how harsh or rude I might have sound.

I know this might sound exaggerating!! But somehow, in my childhood, I had this perception that she doesn’t sleep, I found her awake when I woke up and when I slept, she was still up. For years, I had never seen her sleeping!! She cooked three full meals every day excluding breakfast and snacks, so that we always had hot and fresh meals. I don’t remember I have ever seen her idle or too tired or sick. I have always seen her doing something or the other, and every time it was for us, and not for herself.

Oops, it just hit me that I missed introducing whom I am talking about. However, I am sure; you all must have already got her picture in your mind. Though my incidents differ but our emotions remain the same. Bingo!! That’s mom, yours or mine hardly matters, because all moms are the same. Some lenient, others strict, some firm and others friendly. However, basic nature remains unchanged!! They are affectionate, gentle, selfless, over possessive, over protective, over assertive for their kids, get over enthusiastic when their children win and get disheartened when their children loose. Correct me if I am wrong.

At times I am mused by her qualities, and it often makes me feel so dwarf. I start questioning my capabilities as a mom!! I wish to give my little one similar upbringing and nurture her emotionally and mentally the same way my mom has done. And then it leaves me with goose bumps, questioning myself, that can I ever be like her?

When thinking of her, I always have mixed bag of feelings. Along with fond memories of my childhood, some incidents of my nasty behavior also creep into my mind. Although, whenever I got angry on her or behaved rudely, I did not intend to offend her, but such emotional outbursts must have broken her heart!! Such memories still haunt me and make me feel regretful. I am no exception; all of us at some point or other must have behaved the same way.
I sometimes find myself trapped in an insane fear, the fear of losing her one day. Even today, I call her up for simplest of advice and hardest of decisions. Open my heart to her, talk to her for hours gossiping like we were childhood friends and find her always by my side whatever the conditions be. But I know there will be a day when I will not be able to call her up, seek her advice or talk to her. I do not want to keep any words unsaid or any feelings unexpressed. I want to say sorry for all my rude behaviors. Want to say thanks for each and everything she has done and is doing for us. Want to learn all good things she always wanted to teach me. But above all this, I want to say I Love You mom as much as you love me, I cannot define what you mean to us, but mom I have always wanted to be like you and will try to be.

I sometimes find myself trapped in an insane fear, the fear of losing her one day. Even today, I call her up for simplest of advice and hardest of decisions. Open my heart to her, talk to her for hours gossiping like we were childhood friends and find her always by my side whatever the conditions be. But I know there will be a day when I will not be able to call her up, seek her advice or talk to her. I do not want to keep any words unsaid or any feelings unexpressed. I want to say sorry for all my rude behaviors. Want to say thanks for each and everything she has done and is doing for us. Want to learn all good things she always wanted to teach me. But above all this, I want to say I Love You mom as much as you love me, I cannot define what you mean to us, but mom I have always wanted to be like you and will try to be.

When I see people deserting their mother/mother-in-laws, my heart bleeds!! When I see them alone in old-age homes, I feel wretched. How can someone? When I was born, my mom was unconscious for 2 complete days… I owe this life to her and so do each one of us to our moms. Each mother has taken similar pain to give birth, please respect the pain, please respect the relation and please respect all mothers.

Say your mom you love her, tell her what you feel for her the way she used to tell you so many times when you were small. Tell her you are there for her no matter what, the way she assured you when you were a kid. She will not ask for anything from you, give her the love and respect she deserves. We are creators of future generation, they will do what they see, set good examples before them, Love your mother because she has loved you unconditionally all her life.”


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