“Last year, I lost the most precious person of my life – my mom. It’s difficult to describe the trauma I was left in. And there was no way I could even cry. I knew my father was strong and I couldn’t see him feel weak or helpless because of me. I had two younger siblings. Being the eldest one, I had to take care of them. I just used to smile and distract them like taking them outside even though I felt like crying badly. And every time they smiled, I grew a little stronger. I felt I was upholding my duties. I didn’t even discuss anything with my friends, the memories flooded. And I didn’t want people to look at me with sympathy. The situation wouldn’t change anyway but could make me fragile & vulnerable. I had to grow stronger and I was determined to do that.
There were times when I cried to myself. I made sure nobody noticed. Before long, realized I couldn’t run away from my emotions. And the best way I found was to write them out. The words screamed and cried out loud. I felt free and lighter when they came out of me and on paper. A part of me manifested itself, – truthfully, honestly and fearlessly.
Writing helped me vent out that time. But when I accidentally encountered any of those papers, I would get miserably trapped by memories again. I trashed all the poems. I have grown past it now and I don’t want to look back. I had always loved and respected her. And I will continue writing because it’s making me as strong as she would always have wanted me to be.”