My Story

My Story: Paralyzed, Depressed And After Suffering A Heart Attack, He Decided To End His Life, But Still He Fought

The Logical Indian

July 1st, 2016

SHARES
I’m a cervical spine patient. my body is paralyzed but still I am able to earn Rs 80,000 to 100,000 per month. I don’t know where to start. In 2011, I met with a horrible accident, I was just 18 then. Because of the accident, I got cervical spine injury and my body got paralyzed, I could just move my head a little bit. I was admitted in Amandeep hospital and they operated me but my body never recovered. I can just move my arms, a urine pipe inserted directly into my bladder. I could not even sit and I couldn’t even move my fingers. but somehow I’m able to hold mouse and type with the on-screen keyboard.
If I could explain, I’m in a horrible situation but I’m not writing this to tell people ‘look how bad situation I’m in’ i don‘t want sympathy from anyone.
In 2012 I was depressed because even after one year I hadn’t recovered. but I started using the internet. I wasn’t able to hold mobile in my hand but somehow when I began to hold it I started using Facebook. I spent a lot of time using the internet on mobile. In 2013 I started using the internet on the computer and it wasn’t tough to understand how sites and all that work. I started writing a blog to earn money but it wasn’t easy. 2013-2014 was worst years for me because I was depressed and wasn’t mentally fit, during that time I was just crying and shouting. I started losing hope, even financially we were in the terrible situation. One day I called my best friend asked him to give me some poison because I just wanted to die.
In 2013, I had a heart attack and I was admitted to a hospital. But I was fine.
In December 2014, I was very ill, I had an infection because of urine pipe and I wasn’t admitted to hospital. For 40 odd days, i was just eating one-two pieces of bread per day. but somehow I recovered. In January 2015 I decide I had to do something. I asked my father ‘please do something’ i want to get treatment but he did nothing. I decided to do something on my own. I got a number of a politician(don’t want to take his name here), it was his office number. I heard he helped few people, I thought he may help me. I asked them for help but they said he is busy in elections whenever he’ll be free, they will call me back n guess what..they never called. I tried to contact him again but they didn’t pick my call.
I was very disappointed but didn’t lose hope . I start using blog again and i had enough knowledge about social media from where i could get viewers. I started earning with google ad sense. I did spam to get viewers. In August 2015 i received my first payment. I couldn’t explain that feeling. I was happy not just because money. After years being useless, I was like ‘yes i did something, I’m not useless’. When you can’t control your body the main problem is stress. Everyday mentally you just going down and down. In my case, i was very introvert. i never shared anything with my family or friends. thousand of thoughts going in my mind. like..why this happened to me.?? why me?? or why i indie…? and there no answer to these questions. but best thing i did….is not to think about all this and keep myself busy. I believe it’s just a beginning, i don’t know if would ever reach where i want to be, I want to get the best treatment possible. i don’t know i could ever walk but could definitely sit in a wheelchair and get out of this room I’m in from five years. I don’t know if i can earn the money i need or just die to try.
i feel like this is a task and someone teasing me to do it …like…. ‘do it if you can’
and i believe… i will do it
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But i have promises to keep and miles to go before i sleep
Submitted By : Balraj Singh.

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