My Story: 'Fear Of Living Alone Is Driving So Many Unhappy Marriages Today'

Intimacy coaching is a profession. In India, people are not much aware of it, but there are coaches who teach intimacy in the West.

When I turned 26-years-old, I decided to get married. In India, people believe that women come with an expiry date for marriage, and it is always said that girls should get married before they turn 30. I, too, somehow believed the same and thought my expiry date was reaching.

I had a relationship break down during the same period and wanted to overcome that heartbreak. It was another reason that I wanted to get married.

But my marriage started collapsing from day one. I realised how incompatible my husband and I were. We planned a kid, hoping for things to get better, but unfortunately, nothing changed. I lived a life of dissatisfaction for around six years, and I tried to normalise it as I thought of my kid. It is how I gave up and started believing in my head, 'This is how my life is going to be in future as well.'

Sometimes, I would have thoughts of separating from my husband, but I had no courage to discuss it with anyone. I thought women can't survive and fight society alone.

The actual realisation came when my husband went to the US for work for two years. Within one year, I realised that I could live alone. At that point, I also fell in love with a person who made me realise the importance of intimacy. It was the last nail in the coffin, and my marriage was dead, and I decided to call it to quit.

The fear of living alone is driving so many unhappy marriages today, and I see it as a social problem without blaming anyone. So, in 2017, I met a sexuality educator, and that was the defining moment in my life. I wondered if this profession even existed in India, and I asked her, and she explained everything to me.

Importance Of Sex Education

Initially, I started making blogs on sex education, where I first spoke about the experiences of masturbation while I was in a sexless marriage. People started bashing me left, right and centre, and it was shocking to see even women defaming and putting me down.

But it did not deter my courage; in fact, it encouraged me more to talk about this issue. After getting my sex education degree, I became a professional sex educator.

Education regarding this subject is something that people desperately need. I see so many of my clients addicted to porn. However, it is not a great source to learn something. It is all about intensity, and it hypes things much more than what really happens in ordinary life. When people don't get that hype, they think they have failed.

Sex is an act of vulnerability, and it is accepting yours and the other person's body. I teach the same to my clients by creating an extended language for sex.

If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at mystory@thelogicalindian.com