August 25th, 2016
“I am from West Bengal. I was working in an IT company and came to Bangalore when I got married. After the birth of my daughter, I quit working. It was during a trip in Rajasthan that I found that my husband who is generally calm and easy-going was too short-tempered all throughout the holiday. He was coughing too often and was ill.
It did bother me and I wasn’t sure the reasons for his temper or ill health and wanted to get it checked. When we were back in Bangalore, I noticed that he was falling sick too very often and his blood pressure was extremely high. It was after a series of tests, we found out that his kidneys were not healthy and he required a transplant. My father-in-law pitched in and was the donor for my husband for one kidney. It went well for two years and again my husband fell sick.
This time, the doctors diagnosed him with a condition that he wouldn’t be able to live with a new kidney transplant too. It is, of course, painful to see the journey of knowing that you will be losing someone soon. In 2014, he passed away after 10 years of our marriage. I had a child who was four years then and I was lost, to be honest. I had become a stay-at-home individual and lost touch with everything like bank transactions, bills, taxes and everything outside the home. It took me some time to get back to be an independent woman.
My mother-in-law who had become my mum and father-in-law were extremely supportive. I got enrolled for a teacher’s training program and began my own business of selling sarees from home. Many people even now ask me why I am not getting married again.
One primary reason is that I don’t feel the need. I feel my husband’s presence around me. When I am in Bangalore, I am in my own world of home, work, being a mother and daughter, but when I travel out of Bangalore, I do miss my husband. I feel I have left him at home and travelled outside the city. I have made peace with the situation and look forward to lead a good life and give a good home environment for my daughter too.
My child initially would questions where’s papa? Now she understands that Papa has gone out of town and for some reason he won’t be back. There have been times when certain odd questions come from an innocent curious mind. Once my child asked why I am not wearing sindoor when her grandma applies it on her forehead and I just replied it itches mama and I don’t need it. One needs to be careful in answering to children on the family. I have an awesome set of friends and people around me who make me feel confident in life and I am thankful for that in life.”
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