“I was 4 years old when I went through a horrible sexual abuse at the hands of my servant. My father passed away when I was merely an year old. My mother moved to her parent’s house and started working as a teacher whilst my elder brother went to school. I lived with my grandparents at home. I used to have fits at the time so I joined school very late. My grandparents were very loving but too old to look after me like a parent does. Hence the servant capitalized upon the situation and molested me on almost a daily basis. I don’t even remember how many times it occurred. One day he was caught red handed and thrown out of the house. Then, I stopped interacting with people. I developed serious eating disorders that turned me into an enormous 92kg being at a tender age of 14. I studied in an all boys school and my childhood experience shuttered my social interaction with same sex people. I viewed them with suspicion and felt insecure. I grew up with no friends, mocked by family and peer groups for being fat and too ‘girly’. All this insult plunged me back into my dark past. I saw the reason behind my failures in my sexual abuse. I felt like a toy, who was treated for the sake of extracting pleasure and then broken into pieces. I loathed my every bit of body and every minute of existence was a nightmare. Never had I hated myself this much. In fact at times, I blamed myself for it. I thought I had invited them to assault me. It was a mental torture that I silently endured. And as they say it, you are never alone. I found solace in a cousin of mine who ensured that I don’t give up. She gave me life. If she’s reading this, I want to tell her how much love and respect I have for her. She listened to my stories, my depression and hours of complaining. Finally I decided that if there’s anything that can change my life, it’s me. Therefore, I found my courage. I lost weight from 92 to 65 kgs. With that, I began to concentrate on the good things in my life. I also stopped treating myself as a victim and began to see myself as a survivor because I knew that I could have been in an even worse condition. Lastly my message to all the survivors of sexual abuse out there is that you are not alone. Don’t blame yourself. The mindset and mentality of the disgusting person who did this to you is to blame. If you find someone who is going through the same, then please stand up for them and give them support. Take a step to break the chain of this heinous crime. Be proud of who you are! Remember, you can always make the best out of your worst experiences. Be strong!”
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