My Story: How It Is Like To Grow Up In An Orphanage

Source : Quora | From Sharmila Ashraf's wall | Representational Image : Wikimedia

My Mom, Dad and twin sister committed suicide in 1992 . I was saved by my extended family only to get abandoned later. I was disowned not because two of the wealthiest families in the city couldn’t raise me but because I was a curse for their reputation. My mom and dad were not married, I was an illegitimate child.

Fast forward few months, one fine day I woke up at a children’s home. *Boom* I am an orphan.

• So how is it like to grow up as an orphan!

1. There was very little caring. Every time I tried to replace my family members with the attenders, I failed terribly. Later, when I was around 5 years, I realized that family can never be replaced.
2. We always got old and torn stuff to wear and play. No one ever donates fresh clothes or toys to orphaned children. Till 6 years of age I had never worn a dress of my size, always oversized.
3. We used to long for birthday celebrations of rich kids so that we got a ladoo, if lucky enough a cup of chocolate ice cream, too.
4. In less than 4 years of age we all learned to take dump, get cleaned up, take bath and get dressed properly because unlike other kids no one else would do it for us.
5. Whenever the attenders looked at you, you have to be either studying or praying or else you would get beaten up.
6. I loved to have long hair, but irrespective of the gender we all got short haircuts.
7. We didn’t get our birthdays celebrated. I didn’t know when my birthdate was, most of us didn’t know. Once we were all taken to watch the Tamil movie ‘Muthu’. Charmed by Rajinikanth everyone wanted to celebrate their birthdays on his birthday.
8. The worst part of the day came when the sun was gone. Not even a single day passed without hysterical late night screaming.

I don’t remember much growing up as an orphan as I got adopted by a loving family when I was 6 years old. I got a new name, new family, new identity and an awesome new life.

Life as an orphan was horrible! That, too, as an illegitimate orphan child is hideous. In front of you people say that you are a chosen kid, at the back they call you a bastard. What hurts the most is the realization that you are not wanted by your own family. It’s hard when your life is shaped totally by the circumstances in which you have no say. I often wonder how an innocent kid could give so much distress to a family that it chooses to place the child in the cruel world with some strangers and move on with life as if nothing happened. Still no regrets, I am really thankful for that dark period as it has made me realize the value of love, care, trust and family. It has made me stronger than most of the girls of my age.

• I have a note for guys

When my ex dumped me, one of his main concerns was I didn’t had a good family life upbringing. There was another incidence where my friend’s family rejected a marriage proposal just because the girl’s parents were no more even though she was beautiful, educated and earning well.

When it comes to romantic relationships and marriage there is a type casting that girls with no good family life upbringing have trust issues, they may not mingle with family, they will break the family, they are cold hearted etc.

Trust me, in contrast living on their own has only made them generous, strong, kind, extremely loving, adaptable and compassionate. They take relationships seriously and they won’t break your family as all they wait for is a loving family.

“We care for orphans not because we are rescuers, but because we are the rescued” – David Platt