My Story: For The First Time, I Couldn’t Find Enough Courage To Talk To My Mother. Fear Of Losing Her Silently Gripped My Heart
October 26th, 2016
Very often I see people updating the status in solidarity for people living with cancer. After seeing my mother fight the battle, I decided to share my thoughts on the fearless warrior who fought against this battle.
My mum is a cheerful lady. She has a mesmerising charm that draws people to her almost instantly. We (me along with my haemoglobin and sister.) ceased to be her children and became friends very early. By that time mum had already fought a lot of battles in life. Having married man she loved against her parents wish, she tasted rejection of parents, got accustomed to the financial crisis which was almost out of her thoughts as a spinster. She was working as a lecturer in chemistry for undergraduate students. Her college wasn’t paying her on time. After struggling for few years. She got a job in the corporate world. She mastered the computer world within no time. Her admirers list increased more. Her signature smile is her usp. Just when I thought life was perfect destiny dropped the bomb.
Mum was complaining about pain in her right breast. Unable to bear it she went for check up and then we met our unexpected fears. Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3. For the first time, I couldn’t find enough courage to talk to her. Fear of loosing her silently gripped my heart. Cloud of silence dispair covered the family. The shocking news was given to friends and family.
It was a painful phase within days the plan for further treatment was laid down by the surgical oncologist. A tough battle awaited her. 19 chemotherapies three before the surgery (mastectomy) 16 after surgery and 32 radiations. It was too scary even to think of treatment, but we didn’t have a choice either. The doctor who was treating mum was a perfectionist. I still remember each time we had a discussion on the treatment mum would plead him not to cut off her breast. Doctor was instantly drawn to her charm and easy go nature most of the time during the check-ups they would burst into laughter so much soo that the docs assistants would wonder if we were relatives because they never saw the doctor in such a jovial mood.
Treatment began with two weeks of cancer detection mum underwent surgery and her wish was not fulfilled she lost her right breast and slowly her hair too. She had thick hair often I would tease that her hair would grow like wild grass while applying hair packs. The day we went to get the head shaved I saw her break down emotionally. Hair is a glory for women, but she bounced back within hours we started to call her Gundamma (meaning bold head). Post surgery chemotherapy was scheduled once a week. Just like how a child cries not to go to school she would start nagging the night before the chemotherapy. Meanwhile, we had friends family well-wishers visiting mum constantly, and their tearful prayers were what kept us strong in the spirit.
Suddenly I realised I was the mother and she is my daughter. As soon as the chemo drug was administered I would start feeding her watermelon and with in secs of having the drug in her body she would feel soo high when she spoke it would sound like a drunken person talking. The next day she would complain her sense of taste has gone no matter what we cooked she just couldn’t get the taste, but she ate anyway. One we made sure her haemoglobin levels nerve came down. She would spend hours researching about diet plans supplements during the treatment.
After successfully completing her chemotherapy she had radiations. For this treatment, she had to go through the radiation completely nude though it was for few min yet it’s soo traumatising for her. And most of the medical personal being men she could not take it. I didn’t know how to console her. Soon after each radiation, I would drive around for some time get her flowers she liked them a lot. At times I would take her to a movie or shopping.
Finally, after a year-long treatment, she was set to go back to work. Today it’s been four years of her victory over the dreadful disease. She still amazes me.
What kept her going through the painful phase is love n care she got from near and dear.
If you know, someone fighting their battle against cancer make time for them. Give them motivation. Weather they survive or succumb they are always a hero.
Submitted by: – Beulah And Her Mother’s Name Is Lalitha