My Story

Life Story: I Didn’t Want Anyone To Hear About My Condition So I Cut Myself Off From The World

The Logical Indian

March 8th, 2016

SHARES
Source: Humans of Bombay

When I was in the 7th standard, my mother noticed a slight hair thinning patch on my scalp and took me to the doctor, who told us that I had Alopecia. I started my medication and within 6 months I had lost 95% of my hair. I began growing a lot of facial hair and a swollen face and as a teenager you can imagine what kind of reaction that provoked. I was teased, bullied, made fun of and while the other girls at school were flirting with boys…I was busy hiding. I went from a social, happy child to being completely withdrawn. I tried to shift my focus to studies, but the medication even affected my memory but I still managed.

During college, I was completely shut off. I would wear a scarf around my head, look down while walking and avoid any eye contact or communication. People obviously speculated about me, but I had my walls up so high — I didn’t want anyone to hear about my condition and cut off from me… so I thought it was better to cut myself off from the world. My years in college went by like this – speaking to no one and keeping to myself.

After college I took an entire year off and sat at home because I was scared of filling out job applications which always asked about medical conditions. I would sit at home all day, speak to no one, watch movie after movie, show after show and go to sleep. I was depressed and kept wondering ‘why?’… ‘why me?’ All this while my mother would keep telling me try on a wig and just get a move on and finally I decided that I simply had to leave and get out.

I bought a wig and went to work but again with a lot of fears and insecurities — I tried to keep to myself as much as possible and would even dress like a man so that no one would notice me. One evening, I was going home by train when while trying to get down, a woman pulled at my wig and it came off. For those 2 minutes, I was entirely numb…it was like the identity I had hidden for more than a decade was pulled off me. Tears started rolling down my face, as everyone on the platform watched. I picked up my wig, got into a rickshaw and cried for the first time in public. My parents were out that week, so I got home locked the door and stayed there for two days because I felt so exposed.

As I look back, that was the best thing that happened to me because finally I decided to let go. I decided to not wear a wig, put on a flowery dress and embrace this as my beauty. I went back to work, completely bald and for the first time in a long time I looked people in the eye as I walked past them…and felt accepted. People thought I did it as a style statement and began to compliment me…I finally felt comfortable in my own skin. I was only hesitant once when I had to wear a sari, but even that worked out well. I went from a ‘why me?’ to ‘why not?’ because of my inner strength and that’s something I’m proud of.

You know we hear a lot about what makes a woman – her thick hair, brown eyes or curvy body…but I think a woman is so much more than that. She’s strong, relentless and fierce and her outer appearance can never represent all of that.”

With your help today, India can
nurture future sportspersons.

Petition the HRD Ministry to make
sports a compulsory subject in
schools. Sports is education too.

Thank you!

Please also ensure that change begins at home by
pledging to practise/teach gender sensitivity

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