My Story: ‘I Was Able To Turn All My Betrayals Into Blessings Over The Years’

Kalki Subramaniam is a transgender activist hailing from Pollachi in Tamil Nadu. Using her artistic prowess, she is making a difference for the community in India, who are often ostracised for being 'different' from the rest.

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For many people, being with their family is something natural, effortless and they belong there forever.  Whether they know their worth or not, there is belonging. They may have realised its importance and have bonded strongly, or you may have left loose of it.

For a transgender woman like me, being at my home with my mom, siblings, the entire family, and the extended family is a blessing. It is not the same for many transgender people around the world. It is a dream, a wish, desire, a goal and maybe only purpose in life.

So many transgender people’s lives were shattered when their families did not accept their transgender sons or daughters. It took many long years to reach where I am today, my home.

Worked On Self-Confidence

The transformation from a confused gender non-conforming teen boy to a confident go-getter woman took many years. I grew up with abundant self-doubts, struggles, pain, shame and the wounds which were bleeding from my battered heart that remained unhealed for so many years. I had to battle suicidal thoughts and affirm that I was worth it and that life was worth it.

That strength came from self-love and self-acceptance. I was transforming my body, and I was also changing my mind, my thought patterns. The self-love was solid and unconditional. There were times when I had experiences that made me question my endurance. There were also moments when I faced betrayals, and I just left those spaces and people. Had I stayed and hung in there, forever I would have felt bitter.

Eventually, I moved on and forgot about them. By failing, I meant I occupied myself with things where I prioritised health, knowledge, strengthening relationships with loved ones, learning a new skill etc. However, I am still discriminated against every day, but that doesn’t bother me. Yes, it was too much. But it was all worth the struggle, worth the fight, worth the tears.

I have almost achieved what I fought for. I have changed so many people’s lives, especially those like me, the transgender folks. I am their beloved, and it is a blessing.

Turned Betrayals Into Blessings

I have learned numerous lessons in my life. Having a suicidal thought is momentary, but it’s important to work towards moving out from the toxic space. The world is big, and there are hundreds of people who need you, find them, go there, and attempt to change their lives.

Work selflessly and with conviction. put all your intelligence, creativity, ideas, soul, and breath into it when you do so. Be wise enough to grab the best opportunity – but remember, freedom and happiness are your priority. You need money, yes – but earn enough of it. You need to reach people and earn their respect and dignity – it is challenging and builds up over the years.

But above all that, make sure you are not burned out. I listen to BTS songs often; Inner Child by Kim Taehyung is my favourite. And I haven’t let anyone hurt my inner child. It is all about just one thing. When you go to bed, you must be able to sleep immediately and peacefully, and when you get up, you must be able to smile.

As for me, I still have a long way to go. New opportunities, new creative projects, new people, new love, new friendships wait for me, and I will embrace them all. And I hope and wish I live happily ever after along with the transgender community.

If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at mystory@thelogicalindian.com

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