My Story: 'I Was Six Months Old And I Could Not Walk Or Sit Up, But I Grooved To Michael Jackson's Thriller'

My childhood days were a lot of fun but a little confusing sometimes. I have always been an outdoor child and not someone who stayed put on a desk and studied. Music was one of the things I was interested in.

My parents often recall when my father brought a VCR home as it was very new in India. We played the album by Michael Jackson with the famous song 'Thriller' on it. I was six months old. I could not walk or sit up, but I grooved to it! I fell in love with the tunes, and I do so to date. I even play it in concerts at times.

Coming from an orthodox and traditional background, my parents were not very comfortable with English, and they spoke it in a broken fashion and did not enjoy English music. Their love for Bollywood music was evident as I heard it every day on the radio.

I was four years old when my sister was gifted a keyboard for her academic achievements. Despite being fascinated, she never used to let me touch the instrument. It was when it bored her that it was passed down to me. I learnt to play it quite quickly and got attached to it. Since then, I have known that I wanted to pursue a career in music.

Dreamt Of Waking Up As A Boy

Apart from my music, I was battling the stereotypical notions attached to me. When it comes to gender identity, it was during a family wedding when I was not happy being dressed in a lehenga and wanted to wear a suit instead.

I do not remember the exact age, but I knew that something did not feel right for a while. Sometimes, I used to go to sleep at night and dreamt of waking up as a boy the following day. I imagined scenarios about what it would be like if my dream turned into a reality. However, it was all wishful thinking.

I could not connect with the heteronormative constructs. Due to the established stereotypes, I tried to do things out of the box. Slowly and steadily, I discovered myself and my gender identity.

I was a teenager when I explored varying labels about myself. I never explicitly said I was a trans man; it became an unsaid thing. I came out to my friends saying that I am interested in women. When I did so, I was 16-17 years old, and they were highly supportive.

When I moved to the United States to study music, I came across people like me. I was not an active member of the LGBTQIA+ community in India. Living abroad gave me more exposure to the community and helped me understand myself better.

'Looop Lapeta Came In As Magic'

The opportunity to sing for 'Looop Lapeta' came to me like magic, to be very honest. I had heard of the movie's music composers, Sidhant Mago and Mayank Mehra, for a couple of years before we collaborated. Although we lost touch in between, Sidhant came to one of my concerts in Mumbai, where we reconnected and started working together.

We worked on a few advertisements until the film came my way. Sidhant roped me in for one song, but COVID-19 put all our efforts on hold. Last year, I recorded the song correctly that was sent to the producers for approval.

Honestly, I never saw myself lending my voice to a mainstream Bollywood film. It never occurred to me that I would walk down this path, but it was one of the best opportunities that came my way. I embraced it with open arms. It was a fantastic experience seeing my name in the movie's end credits and the industry's big wigs sharing my work and tagging me on several social media platforms. It's overwhelming and beautiful in equal measure.

Transgender Is My Identity; Artist Is My Profession

I am against the term 'trans artist'. It is not an identification. Being transgender is my gender identity and being an artist is my profession. I genuinely do not see the correlation between the two. Being a transgender man is who I am.

I am lucky and privileged to accept who I am and what I do. However, the Indian society has a long way to reduce the stigma around our community. Being an ally is difficult. With any marginalised community, it is all about representation, and people can question members of the same.

However, not one person can be the torchbearer. Every individual has different experiences, and there is a broad spectrum. Not everyone will relate to what I went through. All we want is to be listened to and heard.

Second, we are humans just like you. We have two hands two legs, and we are no different from anyone else. It should not be anybody's concern about our personal lives, and understanding and setting boundaries are essential. While it is a work in progress, there is still a long way.

For anyone trying to sort their lives out, experiences are crucial. Given the option, speak to professionals and read extensively about the problem you are going through, and life will guide you accordingly. This is not just for the LGBTQIA+ community, as it applies to just about anyone. Because we put everything in a box, our preferences form an extra layer that is examined.

Lastly, go with your heart, meet people, and make the most out of it. In the journey, you will find those who will support you through thick and thin, making this all the easier for you. If possible, surround yourself with such people.

If you too have an inspiring story to tell the world, send us your story at mystory@thelogicalindian.com