My Story: I Felt Guilty That The Man I Loved And Chose To Marry Turned Out To Be Like This

My wedding was in June 2015. But our marriage was short lived. I live with my husband only for 2.5 months. Even in those 2.5 months, so many things happened with me. I didn’t know what to do.

Ours is a love marriage. We knew each other for eight months before we got married. His first wife had passed away, and our age gap is 14 years. Though my parents didn’t like it, they agreed for my sake.

As soon as we got married, we started fighting. I found that my husband had another phone which he used to speak with other women. I was upset that he was flirting with them and we fought about it. I said a few harsh words in that anger. He apologised, I apologised, and we made up. But little did I know, these were only words.

Within a week of our wedding, he hit me. He is a big man. He can lift me with one hand and throw me down. Slowly the hitting increased. I didn’t share this with my parents because I felt guilty that the man I loved and chose to marry had turned out to be like this.

Once time, he left me alone with a friend of his, who started misbehaving with me. I escaped from his place and told my husband about it. Instead of comforting me or confronting his friend, my husband blamed me and fought with me. Finally, I told my parents, who intervened and made us settle down. I though it will be okay after this. But I was wrong.

Soon, I found out that I was pregnant. I stayed at my parents’ house for a few days because I wasn’t feeling well. My parents, sister, I, we all called my husband to come pick me up. But he didn’t come. I couldn’t travel because I developed complications and the doctor advised me complete bed rest. My husband still didn’t come. He ignored all my and my family’s calls and messages. He was happy going around with all the other women.

After I called one of his friend’s wife and requested her to tell him, he came to visit me for Karwachauth festival. After two months of ignoring my calls. When he stayed over, he forced me to be intimate with him. The doctor had strictly forbidden sexual intercourse because of the pregnancy complications and my health. Even after explaining and requesting him to understand, my husband didn’t understand. He forced me till he had his way.

He came back again for Diwali and demanded we go home. I told him I am not supposed to travel. And our house was a three-hour drive from my parents’. He didn’t believe me till we called one of his doctor friends and they confirmed what I said. He was very upset and stopped talking to me. I tried to reach him in so many ways and requested his family to mediate between us. Nothing worked. I was lucky to be loved by his sisters, brothers, and their families. At least I had their support.

After I had delivered our son, he didn’t come. He told everyone it was not his son and he wanted a DNA test. Even when I agreed to it, he didn’t come. Then I found out that he married me just because he thought I would lodge a case of rape if he didn’t marry me after dating. I couldn’t believe this. A man I loved so much had planned all this from the beginning.

He is the right-hand man of the State Education Minister. So he has a lot of political clouts. Everyone, including his brothers and sisters, are afraid of him. He forbid them from meeting me or seeing the newborn. When they came, he fought with all of them and threatened them. No one was able to convince him. Not even the Minister who is so close to him.

I found out he was having affairs. If this is what he wanted, why did he marry me? He threatened me that if I said anything outside and ruin his chance of becoming an MLA, he will spread rumours about me too. Till I killed myself.

Two months passed. And nothing happened. One day I just went to meet him at his house. He got furious. He took away our son and locked him in a room saying he will hurt him because that is the only thing that would convince me to give up. I broke the window to the room and begged him. He came out of the room and hit me with a rod. Somehow I managed to get back to my parents’ house.

That is when I realised that a man who can be ready to harm a baby would do anything. I went to the police and filed a complaint. I went to the ACP. She said that I was making all these up. I lodged the formal complaint this September and my husband left me last September. I explained to her that I was on complete bed rest for nine months during this period. But their attitude and behaviour were very bad. I saw live why girls don’t go to the police. After a lot of requests, my case has now been reassigned to another police officer. It is still a long battle.

Our society and mindset should change. We should change the ‘Chalta Hai’ mentality towards abuse. We should teach our children from a young age that it is not ok. A lot of mothers tell their daughters to compromise. But to what extent is it ok to do so? When he hits every day? When he forces physical intimacy despite your objection? When he has affairs with other women? Till when? Whatever happens, physical and sexual violence should not be tolerated. There should be no compromise on that front.

I request anyone who is going through abuse; please report whatever is happening. Speak out. Raising a voice is important. Only when more and more people say and raise a voice, we can bring a change.

–Anonymous (The identity of the contributor is kept anonymous upon request)

This story was submitted as part of the #BlackBindi campaign, an initiative by MY FM with The Logical Indian, to raise awareness about Domestic Violence.

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