January 7th, 2016
After months of worrying about nursery colors and baby names, the big day has finally arrived. My healthy bundle of joy is born with 10 fingers and 10 toes; crying and cooing in my arms.
The baby is beautiful, my family is now complete, everything feels perfect. Things changes when you become parent & you apparently become more cautions taking care of baby.
Whether he is sleeping or not, whether he is hungry , why he is crying, a small scratch on him makes you feel to worried more then it should be. He cried a lot at night and slept clammily in morning hours. I spent more of the sleepless night and like many other mothers, I started day dreaming. I want him to be a superstar. A lovable sweet boy who will win heart of many others.
All that I couldn’t do, I started dreaming he will fulfill all my dreams. Those Feelings that made me so happy that I really couldn’t express into words. Joy, blissful, happiness, everything crawl around us. But unfortunately it didn’t lasted for long. I realised he wasn’t responding to any of the local voices. I started becoming anxious. Day by day I worried more. And my doubt was cleared when he was diagnosed.
Fast forward a few months down the road when, during a routine checkup, our pediatrician informed us that our infant can not hear. Suddenly, I become the parent of a deaf child. I felt shock, sorrow, and helplessness. Unfortunately, because many doctors deliver this news as a medical “diagnosis,” and automatically I believed that my child is ill. Or, worse, disabled! It causes a chain reaction of guilt, sadness, and fear. How will I raise my deaf child? I wondered if he will be able to have a good life. I wondered if I can “fix” them.
At that time, I didn’t knew any deaf people, and I had no idea what it would mean to raise a deaf child in a hearing world. I worried that he would not be able to have a happy childhood, or a normal adolescence. Would he have friends? Would he be able to drive a car? Would he be able to laugh and have fun? There are so many misconceptions.
“All of sudden my life with my deaf child was like muted with a frozen thoughts.” That was the reason we entered to the tour of doctors and hospitals list. I along with my husband did all that possible things. My eyes cried when I saw Aadhit going through MRI and CT scan procedures when he wasn’t even 1 year old. Those injecting and finding the Nevers and cry of him couldn’t heal my Pain yet. From pediatrician we went to Doctor. He informed us that Aadhit had profound hearing loss for which hearing aids won’t help him to listen and to develop his speech.
I was totally broken till now.
And my spirit screamed to God, “ Why me …why my son have to suffer …? ” We have never imagine our life would turn upside down. Consoling each other was only way for our hopes . I was surrounded by so many questions. But there was no solutions . So many advice But no proper guidance.
I Felt lost in the dark searching for My favorite toy. I took all the advice from people who cared for us. Did all the prayers for him. Blindly believed and kept fast. I sacrificed myself . I didn’t want any stone upturned even When at some point I felt God is stone but still believed he too will crack one day and hear my voice.
Only one thing in my mind was I wanted to hear my son’s smile on his own laugh. Rest of the world looked like silent features, my family, even my husband, I had forgotten everything. I felt I lived in an isolation.
Why me … why God chosen me .. then I challenged myself and said, “Why not me…?”
People says God has a plan for everyone may be this his plan to prove my ability to bring up a My child. Yes he is special, In every way and I stopped dreaming the fairy tale dreams. And started the journey which I never dreamed before . I know its not path of roses. It will be path of thorns, but i started my journey Because I’m not a girl now I’m a mother. A mother of special child.
Submitted By – Alpa Bhawani
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