Abusive relationships are a reality. More often than not we try to move our eyes away from what is the truth and what is not and we misinterpret abuse as love. Yes, not everybody reports it, yes not everybody is strong enough to realise the truth. We stand beside every person who has been a victim of such abuse. Here is a story which talks about the intricacies of what made a person stay in an abusive relationship.
I was lying on my bed at 6 am when my phone rang, and I was living alone at the time. It was my crazy ex-boyfriend who I’d met the previous day at a common friend’s wedding after not seeing each other for 4 months or so. I quickly put it on silent as my heart started beating really fast. I kept receiving texts that said I should speak to him just once. I ignored, obviously.
I’d Been In This Rut For More Than 3 Years And I Knew It Was A Trap
After this, I put my phone on silent and tried to sleep. The next thing I heard was my doorbell ringing. At 7 am. My cook didi (the maid) doesn’t come till 11am, then who could this be? I knew it was him. My heart was beating faster now. I’m thinking, ‘He is within 10 meters, and all that stands between both of us is a door.’ The door was locked. Then what was I scared of? I was scared of him breaking and entering. I was scared of him reaching me, with no way out for me.
I Had A Pair Of Scissors In My Right Hand, Just In Case
The doorbell stopped ringing at 8am, and I eventually fell asleep.
When I was ready to leave the house at 12pm, for work, I saw a cigarette butt outside my door (the brand he smokes), and a part of his old locket hanging on my door. Threw them out.
That night at the wedding reception, as I was sitting a parking lot with 25+ people playing some music from a car, he stood next to the car. I didn’t want to be scared, so I just sat there, changing songs. He kept talking to the guy on the driver’s seat, saying ‘Oh bro, she’s easy. Don’t worry. She’ll do you tonight, you don’t have to try so hard.’ Since I was used to his statements, I didn’t react. The next thing I know, I’ve been hit right across my face. When I looked up, he was already 50 meters away from me. Hailing abuses at me, from the distance.
He Slapped Me In Front Of 25 People. What Was My Fault? For 3 Years, I’d Let Him Think That He Could. So He Did
What did the 25 people do? 5 men held me – to protect him from getting beaten up by me while he kept shouting ‘YOU ARE A SLUT’ from the other end of the parking lot. (In their defense, they didn’t want to create a scene.)
After a lot of apprehension about ‘Log kya kahenge’ (what are people going to think of this) and ‘Chalta hai’ (It’s alright, happens.), I decided to share my disappointment.
Not anger, not regrets, just disappointment. Why? Well, first of all, I was not supposed to be this person. I was not supposed to be here. My father raised me to be an extremely strong person, mentally and physically (or so I thought). I was never the regular girl, I always thought of myself as the strongest, the bravest. I was disappointed in myself for being a victim, and I was ashamed.
“Then why the… How did you end up becoming the victim of a physically abusive relationship?”
It’s because I was made to believe that men and women are equal.
No, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for women’s rights and much more for gender equality.
Because I slapped him once, I believed he had the right to slap me, because we’re equal, right? Wrong. Physical violence in a relationship is not acceptable. When I slapped him, it was meant as an insult. When he did, it was meant to hurt me, to punish me.
A while after I had moved on, and had been posting on social media about another guy, I got a text from him on Instagram. (this is the real screenshot)
It wasn’t his insta profile, it was his brother’s that he was using since he was blocked from everywhere. I wasn’t surprised at all. I was used to listening to these statements, right from Christ College to Delhi. They were there for years, so many years.
‘I hit you because you forced me to. I hit you because you made me do it. I hit you because you are a whore.”
And then a series of ‘I’m sorry, I love you, I didn’t mean it like that.’
He thought he had the right to hit me because I was wrong, and he was responsible to punish me. He, as my boyfriend, had the authority to use physical violence as a means of negative reinforcement. He thought it was his right, his duty and he couldn’t just let it go. Even though he believed men who hit women are cowards, he was physically abusive. Why? Because he told me he considered me an equal.
I kept forgiving him, genuinely believed that he would get better. This cycle of forgiveness made him think it would be the same every time. And it sort of was, until it wasn’t.
Here’s why I wanted to write this article- I want people to understand
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