“It’s very difficult for my wife to move. That’s why I cook. I have to cook for two of us. It’s not very difficult to do. Only difficulty is watching my wife in the bed all the time. That’s why I bought a small laying chair and placed it near the kitchen. I usually bring her there during cooking time and ask her to tell me how to cook. She smiles and complains how I forget about silly things.

I tell her as long as she is there to remind me I will continue to forget things. She will pinch me by saying soon I have to remember things on my own. I do not reply to that. Often times she asks me why I do not put green chilly in the lentil. I remind her it’s prohibited for her to have spice. It’s been six years we are not having chillies in the curry. Sometimes we go outside in the yard. She tells me how much she wants to walk; I do not reply to that, I just quietly sit beside her. It’s very painful to lie to the one you love.

During last festival I bought her a saree and told her our son sent it for her from the city. Whole day she held it with her chest. I asked her to give it to me, so I can keep in the almirah but she refused. When we were having dinner she asked, ‘Why do you always buy white sarees?’ I could not look into her eyes because I knew if I looked at her she will know it all. So I looked away and heard her saying, ‘You can never lie to me.’ Yes, I never can. I do not know how long she will survive.

But I want her to live with me for forever. People heartlessly tell me it is better to die than suffering. I never let her know that. I want her to be with me till the end. When I go outside I lock her inside our house. After I return I fearfully open the door, I shake in fear, I quickly want to enter and see if she is okay, if she is awake. Until I hear, ‘Have you returned?’ my heart keeps beating fast. And then I find her sitting on our decade old bed asking me what had happened. Then I feel my world is safe. I cannot tell her I am afraid to lose her, very very afraid to lose her. I do not know how to live in a world where Nazma will be no more.”

– Rofiq Sekh (70)

Story By – GMB Akash

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